I Don’t Know What I Want in Life: How to Figure Out Your Dream Life
If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t know what I want in life,” you’re not alone. A lot of us never actually stop to ask ourselves that question. We just keep living, working, eating, and sleeping on repeat.
It’s easy to assume you’ll figure it out later, so you keep pushing the question back. Before you know it, you’re living a life you never actually chose. That was me too, until I got sick and didn’t have a choice but to stop and think.
This post walks through how to figure out what you want in life, starting from wherever you’re stuck right now. Not the Pinterest version of a dream life, not the perfect version, but one that actually feels good and doable for you.
📺 Prefer to watch instead of read? Watch the full video here.
I Don’t Know What I Want in Life, So Where Do I Start?
For a long time, I was living on autopilot. I was working, taking care of my family, and paying the bills, but I never stopped to ask if I was happy. When it came to my business or lifestyle, I didn’t really know what I actually wanted.
I also didn’t know if I was spending enough time with the people I love. You might recognize this pattern in your own life. You wake up, go to work, and come home, just to eat, scroll, and do it all again tomorrow.
That’s living life by default, not living it on purpose. Ask yourself the same questions I had to ask. Am I doing the things I actually want to do each day?
How to Figure Out What You Want in Life By Starting With What You Don’t
When I first tried to picture my dream life, I couldn’t answer any of those questions. I had no idea what I wanted five years out. So I started somewhere easier: what I didn’t want.
That list came a lot faster than the one about what I did want. For me, that meant I didn’t want to roll out of bed and go straight to work. I didn’t want to skip breakfast or my own care first.
I also didn’t want my life to revolve around my business. My business should revolve around my life instead. If you’re not sure what you want either, start here too, and write down what you don’t want your days to look like.
Flip What You Don’t Want Into What You Do Want
Once I knew what I didn’t want, I flipped it into something positive instead. I believe in the law of attraction, and I think what you focus on tends to grow. So instead of saying I don’t want to be unhealthy, I started saying I want to be healthy.
That small shift changed how I thought about my choices. Once I said I want to be healthy, I started asking what that actually required. For me, that meant eating more fiber and protein, and not skipping meals.
The same thing worked for my work hours. “I don’t want to work all day” became “I want to work two hours a day.” That eventually grew into the 10 to 12 hours a week I work now.
Try this with your own list. Take each thing you don’t want and turn it into a clear, positive want instead. Your brain will start looking for ways to get there.
How to Start Living Your Dream Life in Small Pieces
Once you know what you want, the next step is to start living small parts of it now. When I was sick, I only gave myself permission to work two hours a day. It wasn’t a lot, but it still let me get to the doctor and go to Pilates.
For you, that might look like changing one part of your morning or evening, not your whole life at once. I started with a slower morning that included breakfast, skincare, and light exercise. I never wanted to start my day straight into work again.
That one small change gave me time back for myself I never had before. If you tend to overwork, try setting a real end time to your day. If you’re always skipping lunch, try packing something simple, like a sandwich or a granola bar.
Small, doable changes are what actually stick.
Try New Things and Expect to Adjust
Figuring out your dream life isn’t something you get right on the first try. My original morning routine had way too much crammed into it, skincare, makeup, a workout, and journaling. It left me too relaxed to even want to go to work.
I had to adjust it down to about 90 minutes to make it actually work. I’ve tried plenty of other things that didn’t stick either. I tried tai chi and loved it, but the class times never fit my schedule, so I ended up quitting.
Because it looked beautiful, I also tried aerial yoga and pole. Unfortunately, I had to let it go because of my health. None of that means those attempts were wasted.
Trying something and walking away from it is still information. It still moves you closer to what actually fits your life. Give yourself permission to try things, fail at some of them, and adjust as you go.
Make Room for What Actually Matters to You
Figuring out your dream life also means protecting time for the people and things you care about. For me, that means never scheduling anything during our family dinners on Tuesdays at 4 p.m. That’s when I get to see my brother.
It also means taking a full week off every year for my mom’s birthday. She never really took vacations before, so now I make sure she does. You can do the same with whatever matters most to you, whether that’s family, a hobby, or something new you want to learn.
I’ve been slowly learning Korean for years, a little at a time. I want to visit my family in South Korea one day, and I’m working toward it. I’m also working toward buying land someday so I can learn how to farm.
My first attempt at growing an herb plant ended with it dying, but that hasn’t stopped me. Start wherever you are, even if it’s small. You don’t need a big budget to begin moving toward the life you actually want.
Your Dream Life Will Keep Changing, and That’s Okay
If you’ve been feeling stuck, you don’t need to have your whole life figured out right now. There’s no single, perfect version of a dream life waiting for you to discover. It’s something you build slowly, through small changes, and it keeps changing as you do.
Your priorities now won’t be the same in five or ten years, and that’s completely normal. What you want will shift as your relationships change, your responsibilities change, and you simply grow. The point isn’t to land on one final answer.
It’s to keep paying attention to what you want next. If you’re still thinking, “I don’t know what I want in life,” start with what you don’t want instead. Flip it into something positive, and take one small step toward it this week.
That’s really all it takes to begin.
What’s one thing in your life right now that you know you don’t want? Let me know in the comments below.